Snooze into Spring

Hello friends,

It’s officially springtime in AZ - my allergies won’t let me forget it! And with spring cleaning just around the corner (a terrifying prospect for this borderline hoarder) there was one thing that immediately came to mind that I could part with: our mattress.

When we moved into our new house about two years ago, we had (I thought) upgraded our mattress. After months of research and asking around, we landed on a Purple mattress. I had big dreams (pun intended) that it would solve all of my sleep problems. The mattress was very soft and squishy, and very comfortable to sleep on— as long as I was the only one in the bed.

You see, Danny is what you would call a very… active sleeper.

Remember that video that went viral a while back of the dog that was aggressively running in its sleep? And then he leapt up, still asleep, and ran himself face-first into the wall? Well, that’s Danny. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what I’ve been sleeping next to for the last 10+ years.

Danny doesn’t have restless leg syndrome. He has restless body syndrome. And I’ve never met anyone who tosses, turns, adjusts, and also occasionally snores like a banshee. (Sorry DB!)

It doesn’t help matters that I’m a very light sleeper. I need complete darkness, at least two fans for white noise, ear plugs, and sometimes an eye mask. And obviously, on top of all of my other high-maintenance sleep habits, I also need complete stillness. With the bouncy Purple mattress, every move Danny made practically catapulted me off of the bed.

And because I’m an idiot who thought I would get used to it, I didn’t insist we return it during the 100-night trial period. Leaving us stuck with this trampoline, bouncy-house style mattress until the end of time (or so it seemed).

But you all know me better than that. Night after night of interrupted sleep is not my style.

So, my initial suggestion to fix the problem was for us to sleep in separate beds. But Danny wasn’t down for the 50’s-style, side-by-side twin beds like in I Love Lucy (although I thought it was a great idea). And because we decided it was too soon to get sleep divorced, for my birthday, he agreed that we could get a new mattress (I know, he’s super romantic).

With about a zillion mattress companies out there, it definitely took some time. But for months, I was having dreams of the Tempur-Pedic commercial from about 20 years ago (and thanks to Danny, not the good REM-sleep dreams, either). Remember that commercial where people were gleefully jumping on their bed without knocking over the glass of red wine that sat, undisturbed, at the very edge of the mattress? Yeah. That commercial really stuck with me (shout out to the Tempur-Pedic marketing team).

But we’re nothing if not ultra-picky consumers. So, we tried tons of other mattress stores and made it a point to test the motion transfer of other makes and models. And at each store, I would make sure that Danny flopped around on at least one bed like a fish out of water for around 30 seconds — just long enough for passers-by to get a good view and wonder how unhinged he actually was (call it payback for “Sleep Danny’s” total lack of chill).

It took a few weeks of convincing, but Danny finally agreed that we would go with a Tempur-Pedic mattress. And my tired ass is finally sleeping through the night (well, mostly. Danny still likes to aggressively roll over and yank all the blankets off of me every chance he gets).

I’m not sure if this mattress would stand up to the “jumping on the bed with a glass of red wine” test. I was hoping to test it out before the trial period was up. But my clean freak husband doesn’t allow food or drinks in the bedroom (no breakfast in bed for this gal). So I guess we’ll never know.

One day, I’ll get my Lucy and Ricky 50’s-style beds. But for now, this will do.

Sweet dreams,

Elissa & Daniel Brown